Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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