hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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