you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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