So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
