I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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