I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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