I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
