Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
