I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
