Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
