just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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