I want to walk on stilts...naked
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
