im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
