i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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