Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How does one acquire holy water?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
