So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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