Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
