I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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