Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
