nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
