She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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