I should be sponsored by Trojan
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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