Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
