foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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