New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
