I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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