so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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