the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
