addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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