Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
