oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
nutella sex= disaster
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
