4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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