...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
