If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
