He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
