just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
