Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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