I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
