I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
