Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
