There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
