i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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