Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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