I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He better not be in your backpack
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
