but the lizard people decide everything anyway
either way he was missing a nipple.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize