I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
