Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Four minutes until I can fart!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
