I'm going to jail i love you
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
