that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Randomize
