Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
