Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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