I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
