He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
