I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
