at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
