Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
