looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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