She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
