the condom got lost in my hair
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Randomize
