I think I died a long time ago.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I AM VODKA MAN
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize