You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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