Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Green mimosas i think yes
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize