Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
