Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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