before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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