Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
