I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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