i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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