Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize