Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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