Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
