i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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