I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize