dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
