sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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