nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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