i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
