I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
