Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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