The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
