Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
