I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
