you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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