I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
