I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He felt like a one man threesome
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
