You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
